Mary's heart in Martha's kitchen

Does it really matter?

2012-01-10T06:14:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered if the things you say really matter? When you see someone who's upset or someone that you know is going through a difficult time, do you wonder if it really makes a difference whether you try to encourage them or not? Maybe you've tried to encourage someone and it seemed like it didn't make much of a difference. My third child, Timothy, was very sick when he was little. By age four, he had undergone four major surgeries. It wasn't until after his last surgery, open heart surgery, that the multiple hospital stays each year eased up. It was heartbreaking to see my little one go through such awful things. A lot of times I had to help hold him down while they poked and prodded him. He would look at me like he was wondering why I was letting them do these things to him. I felt so helpless, knowing I couldn't make it stop. Out of desperation to do anything to comfort him, I would rub his hair and whisper comforting words to him. It never seemed to matter, though, he would just keep screaming and rocking. When Timothy was six, I was pregnant with Payton. For some reason, that I can't remember now, Timothy went with me to one of my appointments. They were just going to listen her heartbeat. He was playing with his toys when the midwife came in. As she laid me back on the table and started to find the heartbeat, Timothy stopped what he was doing and came to my side. He started rubbing my hair and whispering in my ear all those things that I used to say to him. He kept whispering them over and over again. I knew at that moment all those years of what seemed to be comforting in vain, were not. He did hear me and he did understand that I was trying to comfort him. I lost it. I'm sure the midwife thought I was crazy lying there bawling. I was so overwhelmed, that I could barely explain what was happening. When he thought that I was going through some of the things that he used to go through, he wanted to comfort me. You have to understand that Timothy is also autistic, so getting glimpses into what he's really thinking and feeling are not as common as with typically developing children. What a gift the Lord gave me that day! I have treasured it in my heart ever since. I learned that even when it seems as if you're not getting through, you are. Our words make a difference whether we see the fruit of it or not. There are so many verses in the Bible that speak to the power of our words. Some speak to the blessings of our words and some to the damage done by our words. The bottom line is- our words matter. 1Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you are also doing." Proverbs 16:24 says, "Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones." So keep encouraging others, even when it seems like it doesn't matter. Sometimes a simple hug or letting someone know that you will be praying for them can mean the world to hurting person. We may not always see the fruit of it, but it always matters. Galatians 6:9 says, "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

Why did King Lemuel's mother have to be so great!?!

2011-12-02T11:26:00.001-08:00

I used to avoid reading Proverbs 31 because I thought there's no way I can live up to that standard. Seriously, did the woman ever sleep? Did she ever have a bad day? I've told Brian, forget having my children rise up and call me blessed, most days I'm just trying to get them to rise up. I finally decided to quit avoiding Proverbs 31 and dig in and see what I could learn. After reading it over and over, there's a couple of things that I've gleaned. First of all, if Lemuel is a king, then most likely he's an adult. That means his mother has years of experience under her belt. Second, if she has years under her belt, then Lemuel is looking back and giving us a summary of his mother's life. Third, if this is a summary, then all these things didn't happen everyday. For me the most important thing I've gleaned from Proverbs 31 is that this wife and mother had a servant's heart for her family. That doesn't mean that she was their maid and cook. Jesus said in Matthew 20:28, "just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many." He wasn't any one's doormat, He gave us the example of how to love sacrificially. I'm sure Lemuel's mother had bad days. She had to have those days where it seemed like she couldn't finish anything, where the children were driving her crazy, days where she may have wanted to wave the white flag and surrender. She probably also had days that gave her glimpses of the fruit of her labor concerning her family, those days where you know all the work is worth it. I imagine she also had other women around her that mentored and encouraged her. Over the course of her life as a mother she made clothing, was a business woman, provided food, took care of the poor, took care of herself, took care of her family, among other things. I realized that my goal is not to be more like this woman, though she was a great woman, because like me, she was human. I want to be more like Christ each day. Matthew 6:33 tells us, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." Hopefully, as I'm seeking God the bad parts of me fade and the good parts of the Lord shine through. Seeking God will make me want to be a better wife, mother, and woman. The Lord will use other women to help us on this journey, but my main focus has to be on Him. There have been many women in my life that have mentored me and helped me. Sometimes it's spiritual matters, other times it's just practical advice. With that in mind, I wanted to share some of the things we do as a family. I've had several people ask me about how we eat as family. I've spoken a couple of times at our church on this subject, so I thought I would share my notes. Keep in mind that all families are different. Therefore, what works for my family, may not work for yours. Think of this like a buffet. If there's something you like, go ahead and take it. If you don't like it, keep going because you may find something that you do like.

1.Menu Planning- I don't like to go grocery shopping, so I make one big trip at the beginning of the month and then fill in with small trips as needed. I start by making a menu plan for the month. If a month seems like too much, try just a week. You can start by making a list of the meals your family currently eats and then separate them by meats or types of meals. Ask your family what their favorite meals are and what meals they would like to have. Watch cooking shows or look through cookbooks for ideas. You might be surprised at how many meals you come up with. When making a menu, keep in mind events that are happening during that time. If you have somewhere to be on a particular night, you don't want to plan a meal that requires a lot of prep and cooking time. If your family will eat leftovers, make them a part of your menu. If they won't eat leftovers, try to figure out a way to reinvent your leftovers. For example, when I make a beef roast, I know that we will have some meat leftover. I turn the leftover meat into beef stroganoff, beef and vegetable soup, steak and cheese sandwiches, or beef enchiladas and so on.

2.Make your grocery list- Before I make my list, I do a freezer/pantry inventory. I want to make sure I know what I already have on hand before I go shopping. That way I don't buy what I already have. Use your menu to start your shopping list and then fill in with the other items that you need. You can also keep a list on your refrigerator to jot down items as you run out so you remember to add them to your list. It's easy to overspend on groceries, especially when you make lots of trips to the store. We've set a budget for our family and at the beginning of the month(our payday), I take out that amount in cash and that's what I use to buy all of the food for the month. I make less impulse buys when I look in my wallet and see my cash dwindling. Use coupons and sale papers to make your money stretch. I'm not a big fan of Extreme Couponing, but I do use coupons with sales to get the best deals. I think anything taken to the extreme can be consuming, even under the category of saving money. Definitely use coupons, just don't let them use you. Check with your local stores for their coupon policies. Some stores will let you stack coupons, take competitors coupons, or match sale prices. It can be cheaper to buy some things in bulk, but you need to know your prices to be sure. www.southernsavers.com, www.faithfulprovisions.com, and www.afullcup.com and some websites that you might find helpful.

3.Make mealtime a family time- We all sit together to eat dinner and the TV is off. This is a great time of the day to spend with your family going over each other's day. We all eat the same dinner. I tell my children that this isn't Burger King and you can't have it your way. I'm not a short order cook and I don't have the time to cater to the tastes of 5 different children. If I know I'm making something that they don't like, I only put a small portion on their plate. Tastes can change, so I still give them a small amount. For example, Tori hated brussel sprouts but Brian loved them. We wouldn't have them very often, but when we did all the children had to eat was 2. One day as I was making the plates Tori asked me if she could have more. In response to the shocked look on my face she said, "I used to hate them but now I like them." If you have picky eaters, let them be a part of preparing a meal. Being invested in the meal will make the more likely to try something. I also realized that my children's likes and dislikes were very similar to mine. They looked at my reaction to something to see if they would like it. I realized that I too needed to expand my food choices past my favorites and to not push my tastes on others. Like my friend told me once, "Don't yuck someone else's yum."

4.Eating Healthy- Because of Timothy's severe food allergies, we are on the extreme end of healthy eating compared to most families. If you want to start eating healthier, I'll give you some things to try. The first thing to remember is to start slow. If you go into your kitchen and throw out all the junk, you may just get booted out of your family. Pick a couple of things to do and when those are no longer a big deal, add another. We started by avoiding high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils. I've seen the commercials out there saying that there's no difference between high fructose corn syrup, sugar, honey, or natural sugars. It's made from corn, so no big deal right? Well ethanol is made from corn too but you wouldn't belly up to the gas tank. Research if for yourself, just steer clear of the advice of people who are profiting from what they tell you. Dr. Oz is a great source of information and he doesn't endorse any products. Therefore he's not profiting of what he tells you to eat. You may want to start eating organic but don't know where to start. I found a list of foods to buy organic and those that weren't as important. The top 12 foods to buy organic were-grapes, cherries, nectarines, strawberries, potatoes, spinach, blueberries, peaches, kale/collard greens, sweet bell peppers, apples, and celery. A good place to start buying organic would be with an item on this list that your family consumes the most. It also helps to eat seasonally to help cut down on the cost. The top 12 most pesticide free produce- onions, pineapples, asparagus, eggplant, avocados, mango, kiwi, cantaloupe, frozen sweet corn, frozen sweet peas, cabbage, and watermelon. My general rule is if I have to peel it to eat it, I don't buy organic. Stores are getting larger selections of natural and organic food. Look for Farmer's Markets next summer to find organically grown local produce at a great price.

One Situation, Different Perspectives

2011-08-11T05:46:00.000-07:00

When we first moved to Tennessee, we rented a house that had a bonus room over the garage. Most weekends all the big kids slept in that room instead of their own. While we were at this house, Timothy started having trouble sleeping. He would wake up at 2 or 3 in the morning and not be able to go back to sleep. After one particularly bad night with Timothy, Zachary came stumbling sleepily down the stairs. Knowing how many times Timothy had woken me up, I asked Zachary if he was able to sleep. He told me that at one point he woke up to Timothy hammering on him with a toy hammer. As most people would do, he asked him what in the world he was doing. Timothy responded happily, "It's working! My robot is working!" One situation, two very different perspectives. Zachary was annoyed that Timothy had woken him up with his nonsense. Timothy was overjoyed that the robot he had been "working" on finally came to life. I know in my life, when things happen that I don't understand, I have a different perspective than the Lord. I see what's right in front of me and God sees the big picture. He sees how He will use it for His glory and to make me more like Christ. I think sometimes I do things without much thought, thinking it's not a big deal. In reality, God sees how everything weaves together for a purpose. When we found out about all of Timothy's new allergies, it was very difficult to process. It never dawned on me that he could be allergic to meats. Then the Lord reminded me that some time ago we switched from ground beef to ground turkey and from pork sausage to turkey italian sausage. It didn't seem like a big decision at the time, but looking back it was huge. Beef and pork were the meats that he was most allergic to. I do so much to try and protect Timothy, but there are so many things that are out of my control and that I don't know. There is nothing, however, that God doesn't know and that is out of His control. I'm learning more and more each day how to trust completely in the Lord, especially when trials come my way. In James 1:2-4 says, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may perfect and complete, lacking nothing." Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." As I was studying through Acts, I was impressed by the disciple's reactions to various trials. They didn't pray that God would keep them from trials. They prayed that when the trials came, God would guide them through and use it for His glory. I wish I could say that every time a trial comes my way I praise God as much as I do when good things happen. I think the Lord reminded me of that time between Zachary and Timothy so I will remember I don't always view my circumstances with the same perspective that He does. I want to become more like Christ so that I'll see life through a godly perspective instead of my human perspective. Not my will Lord, but Yours.

Tori's Sweet Sixteen

2011-06-10T05:16:00.000-07:00

Sixteen years ago today I got my new name, Tori's mom. I have such mixed emotions about today. It seems like yesterday that I was holding her in my arms for the first time. As much as I long for those days again, I can't deny the blessings that come from watching your child grow up and give her life to the Lord. Soon she'll be leaving for her first mission trip. I remember the first time I went to Kenya, she was so upset with me for not taking her with me. She wanted to go tell people about Jesus too. I shouldn't be surprised that the Lord has given her such a heart for missions. You see, the first time the Lord used her for missions work was before she even entered the world. I was so lost in my pain that others had caused me and that I had caused myself, that I just wanted to not feel anything. When I first found out that I was pregnant I thought my life was over. I had no idea what I was going to do. That feeling quickly faded however as the Lord stared lovingly guiding me on the path that led to Him. I made a real decision to give my life to the Lord and not just the lip service that I had given up to that point. I guess if you think about it, the life I was living did end and true life began. I'm not sure where I would've ended up if the Lord hadn't used such a precious blessing to bring me to Him. I look at the young woman she's become and it still amazes me that God chose me to be her mom. Tori has such a deep commitment to serving the Lord and growing in her knowledge of Him. I know that the time I have left with her to be with us in our home all the time is growing short. I also know that the Lord has great things planned for her and it's my honor and privilege to have a front row seat. Happy Birthday Tori. I love you with all my heart and I'm so thankful for you and the young lady you are.

Don't worry Lord, I'll clean it up.

2011-02-22T05:57:00.000-08:00

Some pretty gross things happen in a home with three boys. Since the Lord uses things that happen in my everyday life to teach me more about Him, bear with me on this one. Having a large family makes grocery shopping a pretty big deal. I decided long ago to do the bulk of my shopping at the beginning of the month so that I only had to fill in with little trips for the remainder of the month. That first trip usually takes several hours. I returned home from one of these trips to find the house extremely quiet, which as any mother knows is cause for concern. Brian asked Zachary to watch Benjamin for a minute while he briefly went to another part of the house. Zachary decided that would be a good time to watch TV and Benjamin went to the bathroom all by himself. I went down the hallway to find Benjamin in the bathroom smearing poop all over the wall with a very overused wipe. I'm not sure how it happened, but by the time I got there, it was on the wall, the toilet, and the sink. When Benjamin saw me, and I assume the look of horror on my face, he sweetly said, "Don't worry mommy, I keen it up." Of course the wipe he was using was never going to clean it up. I'm pretty sure I used an entire container of clorox wipes to start the cleaning process. I was telling that story to a friend the other day and it got me to thinking about my life. Sometimes I make a mess of my life and sometimes life makes a mess for me. I realized that too many times I'm trying so hard on my own to clean it up, but in my own strength, I'm using the same dirty wipe and getting nowhere. Then the Lord comes along, makes sense of it all, and uses it for His glory. I wonder how many times I've extended trials because I didnt' go to the Lord first. How many times did I have the "I've got this" mentality and make things worse? Being the mother of a large family and an autistic child, makes me feel like people are always watching me. Sometimes I give into the pressure of trying to meet the expectations that I think people have of me. In my selfish desire for approval, I set the Lord aside. I've been doing a Bible study recently and one of our main verses this week is Phillipians 2:3-4. It says, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." I'm realizing that sometimes my desire for approval puts me above my family. That passage in Phillipians continues in verses 5-8, "Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." I'm trying to learn that as I parent, I need to turn to the One who gave me my children. He created them, He knows them best. I want His best, not my best to be the mother, wife, and woman He's called me to be. I can't serve God and myself at the same time. I need to follow Jesus' example and humble myself before the Lord and allow Him to use me to serve others.

Don't just plan your wedding, plan your marriage.

2010-11-06T07:25:00.000-07:00

I remember standing at the altar on my wedding day so excited to be marrying Brian. I knew without a doubt that he was the man that the Lord provided as a husband for me and a father for Tori. We happily and wholeheartedly proclaimed our vows to one another during our wedding covenant ceremony. We began our new life together so excited to be walking our new journey together. We did not however, have any idea what that journey would look like. Reality smacked us in the face pretty early on in our marriage. Before our third anniversary we had 3 children, lost around 40% our income, and one of our children was a special needs child. Some couples don't survive financial troubles, much less financial problems on top of what we went through with Timothy. We didn't know anything was wrong with him until after he was born. Those first few months were brutal! We were somewhere everyday, whether he was in the hospital, at an appointment, or having some new test run. The more doctors we saw, the more they found wrong with him. When you have a special needs child you have to go through the processes that you would if you were grieving the loss of a loved one. You have to grieve the "normal" life you thought your child would have and come to terms with who they are. The denial phase was pretty short for me. Mostly because I didn't have time for it. I was the one at most of the appointments and nursing him through his illnesses. Brian took a little longer at this phase. I took his denial as a rejection of Timothy and I immediately put up a wall. I felt like I had to defend Timothy. The reality was that he loved Timothy so much, he didn't want to think about the struggles that his life would entail. The denial was his defense mechanism. I think most people know that when one person in a marriage puts up a wall, it creates problems. We struggled through the next few years. I'm convinced that because we trusted the Lord and were very serious in our vows to Him and each other, we stayed together. I'm so thankful that we did. The Lord has taught us so much about what love is and what it looks like. Love is a choice that we make to put someone else before ourselves. It's selfless and sacrificial. It's also rewarding and comforting. I look at my husband today and I'm amazed at the man I married. He's such a great provider & protector of my heart and our home. I see the father he's become and I realize how blessed our children are. When I said my vows 11 years ago today, I had know idea what they really meant. Not that I didn't want to, it's just hard to know what "doing life together" really looks like. I think premarital counciling falls short a lot of times in preparing young couples on how to communicate in tough times. And there will be tough times! Today, with a much better understanding of their meaning, I can say without hesitation, that I choose to continue to love Brian from this day forth, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to honor, until death do us part. I love you Brian and I'm so blessed to walk this journey with you!

Fruit

2010-10-25T05:55:00.001-07:00

For Zachary's math lesson one day he was supposed to look at pictures of different objects and then determine whether it would be better to use a ruler or a yardstick to measure. He asked me how big a yardstick was and since we had just gone over that a couple of days before, I told him to go back in his book and look it up. While he was looking, I went to go do a lesson with Tori. All of the sudden I see Zachary get up and walk outside. He returned a few minutes later holding a "stick from the yard"! He looked at me with a very confused face and said, "But I still don't know how big it is." After picking my head up out of my hands, we went back through the book to remind him what a yardstick was. Zachary had the answer to his question in his math book, but because he was so sure he knew already, he missed it. I wonder how many times the Lord feels the same way about me. How many times have I searched for answers to how to be the mother that I should be, all the time missing the answer in The Book. Being a mother is a difficult, yet rewarding job. It takes sacrifice to unconditionally love someone else. I've tried many things to get my children to behave or listen. There are so many books written with great advice, but I'm missing the point. What does loving unconditionally look like?

"Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." 1 Cor. 13:4-8a.

When I look at that list, I'm overwhelmed by my inability to love my children as I should. So what's a mother to do?

The answer is found in John 15:5-7, "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. If anyone doesn not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you."

What is the fruit I will bear if I abide in Jesus?

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" Gal. 5:22

In our culture today I'm bombarded with the idea that if I want to be a good mother, I need to make sure I have plenty of "me" time. What I really need though is "Him" time. Don't get me wrong, going out with friends and doing girl things is a lot of fun. I just can't depend on a mani/pedi to refill me and refresh me. It may be fun at the time, but when I return, everything I left is still there. The only thing that will truly refresh and refill my spirit is to abide in the Lord. That kind of refreshment doesn't end.

Growing

2010-07-29T13:47:00.000-07:00

"If I have to tell you one more time...!" Oh how many times I've said that, always in complete frustration that my children's ability to retain my instructions are so limited. Or how about when your children ask you how to do something. You tell them how, only to be told by them that's not the best way. At that point I'm thinking, "Yes, with all your years of experience, you know waaaaaay better than I." We feed them, teach them, and guide them all in the hopes that they grow physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Whether your children attend homeschool, private school, or public school, each year you expect them to learn from what they're taught. Can you imagine visiting someone's house only to have their 16 year old son crawl into the room and cry at his mother's feet for a bottle of milk? Yet so many times, that's how Christians approach their spiritual growth. We know what we're supposed to be doing, yet we don't want to make the changes neccesary to grow. Some changes are easy to make and others are more difficult. The growth process can be painful, but I've found that it's always worth it. So many times I've heard Christians say, "I know I should change ______, but I just can't." Around the Britt house we call that a lie straight from the pit!!
Here's truth:
"I CAN do all through Him who gives me strength." Phil. 4:13

"Have I not commanded you be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wing's of like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:29-31

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 2Timothy 1:7

Growth looks different for each of us. Some people get saved and make an abrupt change and never look back. Some get saved and grow over time. I think the important thing isn't so much how you grow, but that you grow. I want to always be searching the Bible and learning from those wiser and more grounded in the Word than I, how to grow deeper in my walk with God. I never want to think that I've grown enough or that this is just the way things have to be. Just as we expect our children to learn from our teachings, our Heavenly Father expects the same for His children.

Timothy...a look back

2010-07-25T12:07:00.000-07:00

Timothy was a surprise from the very beginning. After a week of the "stomach flu", I noticed that no one else seemed to be getting sick. Brian and I were very surprised to learn that child number three was on the way. We were supposed to be finished. We had a girl and a boy, which in many cases is considered to be the perfect family. God had other plans for us. After an awful pregnancy, we decided to go Nags Head, NC to celebrate Brian getting his degree from college. I still had five weeks to go and it was only for the weekend. We arrived in Nags Head with two children but came home with three. Other than the shock of delivering him on vacation, five weeks early, everything seemed normal. After our first full day of being home, however, that quickly changed. I could no longer wake him up and he couldn't maintain his body temperature. That first visit to the pediatrician was the beginning of a long journey. It seemed the doctor appointments, lab visits, and hospital stays would never end. They would find something wrong with him and when they would do a test to get a better look they would find another thing that was wrong. In those days it was easier to talk about what worked on his body as opposed to what didn't. He was so frail and weak. I often wondered if he would even make it. When Timothy was about three months old, I told his pediatrician that I was concerned that he never really looked at me. His arms and legs were also pulled tight into his body. The doctor told me that he knew Timothy had something wrong with him neurologically, but that there were so many life threatening issues, he thought I had enough to worry about. Brian and I decided at this point to bring him to our chuch to have him prayed over. Some of the leaders in our church, my Poppa, and people that we were close to gathered in a room to pray for him. I knew that as the prayers were being offered on Timothy's behalf, the Lord was at work. I could feel His presence in that room. When we got home, I took him out of his seat. For the first time, he looked me right in the eyes and smiled at me and his arms and legs relaxed. The next day when I took him to his appointment, the doctor couldn't believe he was the same child. He gathered all the other doctor's and nurse's to come see him. I told them what happened the day before and how God had healed him. They started calling him the miracle baby. The Lord didn't completely heal him that day, but I'm so thankful for the healing He did give. I'm convinced that Timothy had a severe form of Cerebral Palsy. He is now diagnosed with a mild form of CP. Since that day, Timothy has had many ups and downs. He's had four surgeries, many outpatient procedures, test after test run, and countless hospital stays. A few years ago, he was diagnosed with a high functioning form of Autism. It was impossible for me to imagine in those days the boy he's become. He went from being a boy that couldn't talk, walk, or eat to a boy that talks constantly, runs all over the place, and wants to eat all day long. Some days are still really difficult and at times I've wondered why God didn't choose someone better to be his mom. Someone told me once that they couldn't believe that God picked me to be Timothy's mom. That my sister, Ginger, made more sense. I think that's how the Lord works. He doesn't always call the equipped, but He always equips the called. I've realized that the days that I question the Lord's choice is because I'm trying to do everything on my own power. Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Yesterday, Timothy turned 8 years old and next Saturday we're going to celebrate those eight years. I don't know what the future holds for Timothy, but I know that the One who created him does. I'm thankful for the chance to be a part of it.

Failures

2010-06-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

Failure seems like such an ugly word. We all try to avoid it, but eventually failures come our way. Genesis 2:6 says, "When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.", thus sin, death, and destruction entered the perfect world that God created. Adam and Eve lived in the perfect Garden of Eden. They were able to physically talk to God and walk with Him, yet they weren't able to keep all of God's commands. It's impossible to live up to the standards laid out in the Bible. Christians are called to be holy, meaning set apart. 1 Peter 1:15-16 says, "But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: 'Be holy, because I am holy'." So what's a messed up sinner like me supposed to do? I'm trying to live the way God would have me live, but I keep coming up short. Do I listen to that voice in my head that keeps telling me, "You'll never be able to get this right! You might as well give up." As I continue my journey with the Lord I'm realizing what the real failure is. The failure isn't just about sinning, but about continuing in that sin because it's too hard to keep trying. I'm learning that it isn't about falling down, but about refusing to get back up. There's a lot of growth that comes in failures. There are things that this stubborn woman has been able to learn only through failures. When I admit to the Lord that I can't walk through this life on my own and I surrender everything to Him, it's then that I'm finally free from the burden of my failures. One of my favorite verses is 1 Corinthians 5:17. It says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" Some days I feel like that new creation all day. Then I have those days where I'm constantly going back to the Lord to be made new again. I know that to attain true holiness here on earth is impossible, but I don't want it to be because I refused to try.

Out of the water...

2010-06-09T16:47:00.000-07:00

I was reading in a book the other day about mercenaries being hired to help fight in the crusades. Because this was a holy war, the mercenaries had to be baptized. As they were being baptized, they held their swords out of the water to symbolize the part of their life that God couldn't control. They were saying that God could have every other part of their life except that one. It got me thinking, what part of my life am I "holding out of the water". What part of my life am I saying that I can handle better than God. So now I am asking God to reveal to me the parts of my life that I've only said with my words He can have, but not with my actions. I know that this can be a painful process, but I also know that in the end it will be worth it. There's a saying that God meets us where we are. He doesn't wait for us to change to reach our hearts. We tend to overlook the second part of that truth. Yes, He meets us where we are, but He loves us too much to leave us that way. Anyone who has taken care of plants knows that you have to prune it to make it a healthy, thriving plant. The same is true for Christians, sometimes God needs to prune things out of our lives that keep us from being the thriving Christian He intends us to be. If you read in the Bible about the encounters that Jesus had with people, you'll see a Savior who lovingly met people where they were. You'll also see how He asked them to change and live for Him. So, since I'm challenging myself, I'm also challenging anyone who reads this to do the same. I don't want to be one of those Christians that does all the right things on Sunday to play the part of a strong Christian and then goes home and lives differently Monday-Saturday. I want to be the same person on Tuesday that I am on Sunday. That only comes from complete surrender of EVERY part of my life. I want every part of my life to be "in the water". There's a song by Steven Curtis Chapman called "Dive" I thought I would include the lyrics to his song.

The long-awaited rain has just fallen hard upon the thirsty ground
Have carved their way to where the wild and rushing river can be found
And like the rain I have been carried here to where the river flows
My heart is racin' and my knees are weak as I walk to the edge
I know there is no turning back once my feet have left the ledge
And in the rush I hear a voice telling me it's time to
Take a leap of faith
So here I go

[CHORUS]
I'm diving in
I'm going deep
In over my head I wanna be
Caught in the rushLost in the flow
In over my head I wanna go
The river's deep
The river's wide
The river's water is alive
So sink or swimI'm diving in
I'm diving in

There is a supernatural power in this mighty river's flow
We can bring the dead to life, we can fill an empty soul
And give a heart the only thing worth living and dying for
But we will never know the awesome power of the grace of God
Until we let ourselves be swept away into this holy flood
So if you'll take my hand and close your eyes and count to three
And take the leap of faith
Come on let's go

Join me, won't you?

One man's treasure is another man's trash

2010-06-02T16:25:00.000-07:00

We've all heard the saying that one man's trash is another man's treasure. I think the opposite can also be true. Let me explain. One Easter I made a cake for my church. It wasn't an elaborate cake, but it still took some time to decorate. When I got to church, I placed it on the table beside the doughnuts. Later on that morning I walked by the table just in time to see a woman place her purse ON TOP of my cake so that her hands were free to get her doughnuts. I'd like to say that I walk so closely with the Lord that I immediately saw in the grand scheme of things, this wasn't a huge deal. A couple of the ladies saw the look on my face and walked quickly to me to reassure me that it was going to be ok. For some reason I was thinking about this yesterday. I was thinking about how something was very important to me, but not someone else. It got me thinking about how many times I've blown off one of my children's "treasures" because it wasn't important to me. I'd like to become the kind of person that sees the importance in the things that are important to those I love. My children and my husband are a treasure to me and I want them to feel that way. Jesus set the example of how we are to love others. He valued people and listened to them, especially the children. The disciples tried to get rid of the children as they came to Jesus but He stopped them and said in Matthew 19:14, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

As to the Lord...

2010-05-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

Those who know me well, know that I am not a morning person. To say that I struggle to be kind doesn't seem like a strong enough statement. On the first morning of our marriage, I told Brian that he needed to leave me alone and give me time to wake up. As each new child has entered our family, I've made sure that they understood as well. I'm sure that my family has many embarrassing stories of how awful I am to deal with in the mornings. I go about my work grumbling to myself about how much I wish I could just wake up in peace, without anyone asking me to do anything. Recently, the Lord has been revealing to me just how selfish my attitude has been. I am asking six other people to adjust everything they do for me! Jesus tells us in the Bible that we are to die to ourselves DAILY, and that he didn't come to be served, but to serve. So, I decided that it was time for a change. It was time for me to start adjusting to the needs of my family. This week I've been getting up earlier to give myself some time to prepare my heart to serve my family. I've been cooking breakfast for Brian and my children and trying to greet them in a way that people you love should be greeted. Starting this way has helped to get me off on the right foot to keep me focused for the work that needs to be done each day. I don't want to just do the work, I want to do it with a heart that is focused on the Lord. Don't misunderstand me, there are no bright beams of glorious sunlight shining through our house, while gentle woodland creatures come to feast on scraps of food and soft music plays in the background. This is a daily (sometimes hourly) decision for me to die to my selfish desires and focus on others. Colossians 3:23-24 says, "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ." This has been my motto this week that I keep repeating in my head, "as to the Lord". I haven't done it perfectly, but I've tried to quickly get back on the path when I've stepped off. So, as I go about my day cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, wiping noses (as well as other places) and tending to the needs of my family, I'm striving to do it as to the Lord.

The purpose

2010-05-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to start a blog for a few months, but I was unsure what to call it. I wanted the name of my blog to set the tone. I've been reading the book Passionate Housewives, Desparate for God. Through this book, the Lord has been renewing my passion for Him and my family. I was reading today about Mary and Martha. Mary sat at the feet of Jesus, to learn from Him and to worship Him. Martha was busy doing chores. Martha was upset with Mary for not helping. She went to Jesus to ask Him to get Mary to help. Instead He told Martha that Mary was doing the right thing. In the book the author was asking the question why can't we do both? Why can't I worship God while going about the work of my home? Then the name of my blog came to me, Mary's heart in Martha's kitchen. It describes how I want to live my life. I want to have Mary's heart for worshipping, while having Martha's drive to get the work done. I know that this may seem a little crazy, but for those of you who know me well, that shouldn't be a surprise. I'm not foolish enough to think that I won't have days that I want to pull my hair out piece by piece, but it won't stop me from trying. As Christians, we're called to perfection. Not that I am perfect, but the God I serve is and He calls me to continually strive for perfection. I'm taking the calling to be a wife and mother seriously. I'm honored to be Brian's wife and the mother of Tori, Zachary, Timothy, Benjamin, and Payton. The purpose of this blog is to share my journey, the failures as well successes.