Day 16- We don’t do a lot of vacations. We’re more stay-cationers rather than vacationers. First, because as a larger family, it’s difficult to find places that we can all stay in for a reasonable price. Second, because it’s difficult to find a place that will capture Timothy’s attention as well as the rest of the family. In 2011, our family was able to spend a few days in Gatlinburg. This was also the same time of the cicada invasion. Timothy is afraid of any flying insect. By afraid I mean, when he sees one he screams, waves his arms frantically around his head, and takes off running. I thought we had a bunch at our house, but it was nothing compared to the number in the mountains. Every time we left our cabin, Timothy would panic all the way to the van. We worked out a plan to help him out. One of us would go to the van and stand by the door to wait for Timothy. Then someone else would open the cabin door for him and run out with him. As soon as he would get to the van, we’d open the door and then quickly close it behind him. He wasn’t satisfied until everyone was safely in the van without any cicada stowaways. If one happened to follow us into the van, I’m not sure I know words that would describe the scene accurately. Once we rid the van of intruders, it would take lots of convincing for him to believe us. So needless to say, when the cicadas invade again, it will definitely be stay-cation time!
Day 17(This story is from Timothy's sister, Tori)- In the summer of 2011, I had the opportunity to serve at a mission in Mexico. I had never been so far away from my family before. I also had never been away from them for more than a week. The morning I left, I was eating my breakfast and going over the details of my trip with my parents. When Timothy came out of his room, my mom told him this was the day I was leaving. She asked him if he had anything he wanted to say to me. Timothy turned, looked at me and asked, "Can I have your toast?" And that was my good-bye from him.
Day 18- Timothy is afraid of fire. Well, anything to do with fire really - smoke, burning smells, candles, fire alarms, etc. If he sees a lit candle, he won’t stop until he blows it out. We have to hold him back at birthday parties so he doesn’t blow out the candles before the birthday child can. If he sees a pot of boiling water, he’s convinced it’s on fire. One day, Tori was making grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch. The sandwiches got a little, shall we say, crispy. It didn’t make for the most pleasant of smells. Timothy was convinced there was a fire. It took a while to reassure him there wasn’t a fire, just a slightly overcooked sandwich. To this day when Tori starts to cook, Timothy says, “You aren’t going to cook are you? Is there going to be a fire? I don’t want mine cooked.” Once something gets into his head, it’s very difficult to get it out. I don’t know how long it will take for her to live that down.
Day 19- Making friends can be difficult for Timothy.
He doesn’t really excel at social skills.
If he thinks something, he says it.
He doesn’t have a great concept of personal space.
When he sees something he wants, he takes it (it doesn’t matter if someone else had it first).
Adults tend to be more understanding of these behaviors than children.
Timothy can be pretty intimidating without realizing it.
He also doesn’t really play with other children.
He mostly plays beside them.
So, as you can imagine, he didn’t have a lot of friends.
When he was in the 4th grade, he came home from school with a pirate book from the book fair.
I hadn’t given him money yet to buy books, so I was a little curious.
He told me that his friend, Maddie, bought it for him.
Timothy has a way of pestering you when he wants something.
He’s so persistent that he’s hard to resist.
Now I’m thinking that he pestered this poor girl until she spent the money that was supposed to be for her, on him.
I talked to his Special Ed. teacher the next day and she told me that wasn’t what happened at all.
She told me that Maddie and Timothy really hit it off.
She would come to get him each day to take him to his Regular Ed. class or to go to lunch.
She knew how much he loved pirates, so she bought him the book and brought it to him.
Not too long after that, I got a note from her. Maddie told me about the birthday party she was having and how she wanted Timothy to be there.
It was such a sweet note.
This was the first time Timothy had been invited to a birthday party. Others in our family had been invited to parties and Timothy was able to tag along.
This time someone chose him and said that the rest of our family could tag along.
I cried and cried after reading it.
Once I pulled myself back together, I called the number she gave me in the letter.
As I spoke with Maddie’s mom, Christy, I couldn’t hold back my tears.
I told her how much it meant to me that Maddie included my son. Christy had no idea that Maddie had written me that letter.
I also found out later that Christy heard a lot about Timothy, but never knew that he was autistic.
Maddie always referred to him as her friend, not her autistic friend.
I wish that everyone could see them together. They have such a special bond.
Maddie’s friendship with Timothy has been a blessing to our entire family.
As a bonus, we’ve been able to grow close to their entire family.
Maddie and her family will forever have a special place in our hearts.
Day 20- Being the sibling of a special needs child can be very difficult. I’ve spent so much time in hospitals taking care of Timothy. That means I’ve also spent a great deal of time away from my other children. I remember one night in particular when Timothy was still little and I was on the phone with a doctor talking through his symptoms. The doctor came to the conclusion that we needed to yet again head to the ER and most likely he would need to be admitted to the hospital. I had no idea that my daughter was standing behind me for this phone call. As I hung up the phone and turned around, she said to me with big tears in her eyes, “You’re leaving again, aren’t you?” I’m sure you can imagine how this pierced right through my heart. It’s not just the times away that can be difficult for them. There are times that we have to let Timothy get away with things because either he just can’t process it properly or we have to pick our battles. It can be difficult to understand why he can do things they aren’t allowed to do, or he may not have to do things they are expected to do. We do have expectations for him, they just aren’t the same as our typically developing children. Then there are times we couldn’t go somewhere, or we had to leave a place early because Timothy couldn’t handle it. I even remember one time when Benjamin was telling me what he wanted for his birthday. He paused for a moment and then said, “Well, maybe I shouldn’t get that. Timothy will be able to break it too easily.” He was five years old and had to consider whether the toy was made well enough to enter our home. Timothy is very impulsive as well as very quick. You don’t usually see him breaking toys, you just come across the toy carnage. So, when I see the siblings of special needs children acting out, I try to put myself in their place, and try to understand what they may really be feeling.
Day 21- Timothy LOVES Disney movies! He gets completely engrossed in the characters and wants to act out scenes from the movies.
He really loves
Toy Story, Cars, Wreck It Ralph, and
Peter Pan.
Since he loves pirates,
Peter Pan is the movie he’s loved the longest.
My concern, though, is that he always wants to be the villain. Therefore, Captain Hook makes frequent appearances at the Britt house.
He’s even gone so far as to make himself a hook for his hand.
He took a plastic hanger and snapped the hook part off and then used that to poke a hole in the bottom of a plastic cup.
He was then able to put the cup with the hook, over his hand.
One day, I pointed out what a great character Peter was and suggested that Timothy be someone other than the villain.
He took my advice, just not the way I had hoped.
I found Timothy wearing Payton’s tu-tu the next day.
He was acting out the scene where Tinker Bell stands over the mirror and sees her hips.
He did the hand measurement and finished the scene with the shocked face at the size of his hips.
The next morning, I found him sitting in the floor shirtless and both legs in one side of his pajama pants.
He was acting out the scene where the mermaids were sitting on a rock, flipping their tails.
After seeing that, I told him that I changed my mind.
Being Captain Hook was fine with me.
Day 22- I mentioned in the previous post that Timothy loves pirates. Actually, he’s obsessed with them. During his recovery from a traumatic brain injury, the Child Life Specialist at the rehab hospital asked him what toys he liked to play with. He replied, “Pirates”. When she asked him what else he would like to play with if she couldn’t find any he answered, “Pirates”. Thankfully, deep in their storage, she found some pirates and a pirate ship. Captain Hook is his favorite. His copy of Peter Pan is also an anniversary edition. At the end of the movie there’s a documentary on the making of the film. I imagine most children wouldn’t sit and watch that, but Timothy isn’t like most children. He not only watched it, he memorized it. One night, as Brian was going to say good night to Timothy, he heard him reciting it. He was sitting in the dark, rocking, and reciting the entire thing. Timothy was even doing the British accents from the actor interviews. His love for pirates runs deep. Even in his dreams, he’s Captain Hook. It’s not uncommon to hear him yell out in the middle of the night, “Blast you Peter Pan!” One morning I woke him up and, in his best Captain Hook voice, he said, “Who dares to disturb my slumber?” I often wonder what it would be like to take him to Disney World. Would it excite him to see all these characters that he loves so much or would it overwhelm him? I don’t know but maybe one day we’ll find out.
Day 23- Timothy is a very sweet, loving child. It just may look a little different than other children.
He’s not overly affectionate or a person prone to compliments. When he’s overwhelmed, he can be a little violent. Not fear for your safety violent, but enough to keep me on my toes.
Once Timothy woke up after his brain injury and began moving around, I noticed that he was very affectionate.
All throughout the day he would ask me to come closer so he could hug me.
He would tell me that he loved me or that I was beautiful.
It wasn’t just me though. As we made our way down the hallways of the rehab hospital, he would stop people and say, “You look like you need a hug.” This was all very new to me.
I heard over and over from personnel at the hospital that the goal was to get Timothy as close to baseline as possible, meaning as close the way he was before the fall as possible.
I would joke with them and say, “I’m ok if not everything goes back to baseline.”
As I was discussing this with one of his therapists she told me that normally traumatic brain injuries can have the opposite effect.
She told me how children with the sweetest dispositions before their injury became angry and difficult after.
Now the opposite was happening with Timothy.
We both became curious how big of a role his autism played in the difference.
Either way, I just kept telling people that I was going to enjoy it while it lasted.
It did last for a couple of weeks.
Then one day I made Timothy do something in therapy that he didn’t like and I got bopped on the head.
After that, the hugs and compliments diminished.
So while it was just for a couple of weeks, it was fun while it lasted.
Day 24- Being at a rehab hospital in Atlanta was difficult for Timothy. Routine and familiar surroundings are important to him. We both missed our family. I noticed bedtime was the most difficult for him. Timothy seemed to cry and ask to go home at bedtime more than any other time of day. Then it dawned on me why. Every night at bedtime, Brian prays with Timothy. It doesn’t happen the same way as it does with our other children though. Timothy always tells his daddy he wants to pray by himself. Then when Brian says he can, off to his room he goes. Brian waits a few minutes and then goes into Timothy's room. When he asks Timothy what he prayed about, he begins to pray out loud. After he finishes, Brian prays. The same scene plays out night after night with Timothy pretending he doesn’t want his daddy to pray with him. I realized Timothy was sadder at bedtime because he really missed this prayer time with his daddy. Brian had questioned whether or not Timothy really wanted to have this time with him. When your child has autism, you have to learn how to read clues and then put all the pieces together. Our time in Atlanta showed me Timothy really does enjoy the time of prayer with his daddy.
Day 25- Confession time - I’m a little jealous of moms of children with an easily recognized disability. I know it sounds weird, but let me explain. It’s not that I think these moms have an easier time having children with a particular diagnosis. I know people who have children with a wide range of disabilities, so I know there are many trials and difficulties no matter what the official title may be. The reason I’m a little jealous is their diagnosis is easy to spot. I've noticed when you know immediately that a child has a disability, your interaction with them is different. Your expectations of their behavior is modified. If they did something odd, you’re more likely to excuse it based on their disability. When you look at Timothy, you don’t immediately recognize his autism. The people who know him, are well aware of his physical and mental differences. Strangers, however, just see a “normal” boy. So, when he does things that are inappropriate or just plain odd, we get some terrible looks. I still fight the urge to explain to everyone he comes in contact with about his autism, not that I need to discipline him more or that I’m a lazy parent. When he fell in August of 2012 and suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury, I got a glimpse of what it would be like. Before his hair grew back, you could easily see the large incision on the left side of his head. When we went out in public, I noticed that stranger’s expectations of him dropped and he was free to be himself. His hair has grown back now and his scar is less noticeable, but for a short time I got to experience what it was like to have strangers meet Timothy on his level.
Day 26- I mentioned in an earlier post how special Timothy’s friend, Maddie, is to us. After Timothy’s accident, she came to the hospital to visit him several times until he was sent to Atlanta. For one of her visits, Maddie went to the school’s library to find pirate books that he hadn’t seen yet so she could read to him. Timothy only lasted around five minutes after he agreed to let Maddie read the book. He became overwhelmed and began throwing himself around. Maddie apologized to me for upsetting him, but I assured her there was no reason to apologize. I asked Timothy several times if I could read him a book, but he always turned me down. Because of the special bond they share, Maddie was able to do something with Timothy that even I wasn’t able to do. Their friendship is such a beautiful thing to witness, I knew more people needed to know about it. I wanted the world to see how special their relationship is. When I contacted a local news station, they were eager to share their story. Here is a link to the news story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhBJ35MQNmY
Day 27- Some mornings Timothy wakes up determined to do whatever it takes to completely frustrate me. I try to be determined to not let Timothy frustrate me. He does everything he can to push every button I have. As I dig my feet in, to prove I won’t lose my temper, he digs his in deeper. Then, when I can’t take it anymore, I lose my temper and start yelling. What makes it worse is that he usually laughs at me. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes, I get really frustrated with myself. There have been times that I’ve wondered why God would choose me to be Timothy’s mother. Not because I don’t want to deal with him, but because I think surely there’s someone else who could do a much better job raising him. Someone with more patience, more experience. It’s a bad place to go. A place full of accusations and guilt. When I can’t trust my own thoughts, I have to trust what I know. God did choose me to be Timothy’s mother. If He chose me, He will equip me. When I feel I have messed up, I can find forgiveness and be filled again.
Day 28- I mentioned in an earlier post how difficult it can be on the siblings of a special needs child. While there are difficult times, there are also really special times. There are many things my children have learned by having Timothy in our family. They have learned to have compassion, learned to interact with someone who can be difficult, and learned to love sacrificially. I have witnessed many scenes of love for Timothy play out in our family. One time that stands out in particular took place on a trip to Atlanta for a follow up appointment. While we were at the doctor’s office, the fire alarms were being tested. I’ve heard a lot of fire alarms in my day, but none as loud and obnoxious as this one. We had finished our appointment and were trying to schedule the next one when the alarms went off. Timothy immediately began to panic. He was screaming, crying, and trying to cover his ears. I had Zachary, Benjamin, and Payton with me as well, so when he tried to take off running, it made the scene very chaotic. I managed to grab on to Timothy’s coat before he could get too far away from me. I struggled to hang on to him while trying to get my other children to hurry out of the building. The alarm seemed to be just as loud outside of the building as it was on the inside. Timothy continued panicking and trying to run. We had to walk a little ways to get back to our van in the parking garage. I managed to keep my grip on his coat and keep track of my other children. Once we got inside the van, his meltdown continued. I tried to drive away as quickly as I could, reassuring him that we were far away from that terrible noise. My reassurances didn’t seem to calm him down. That’s when Zachary stepped up in a way that warmed my heart and made me so proud. Knowing Timothy’s love of animals, Zachary started talking to him about animals. Even as Timothy kept crying, Zachary kept going. Eventually Timothy started to listen more and more to Zachary talk about animals. Then he went from listening, to talking with Zachary. The more Timothy talked about animals, the more he calmed down. I was one proud mom watching Zachary love his brother through such an upsetting time.
Day 29(This story is from Timothy's older sister, Tori)- Timothy loves music! When he hears a song with a good beat, he can't resist the urge to dance and sing along. Whenever I drove Timothy anywhere, we would listen to my 80s playlist. If it wasn't on when we got in, he made sure to ask for it. We would always roll the windows down, turn the music up, and sing along. If it was a song he knew, he would sing along with reckless abandon. If he didn't know it, he would just play his air guitar and encourage my dramatic singing performance in the front seat. He would say, “Oh yeah! That’s right. Sing it Tori.” Either way we've always had a lot of fun jammin' to 80s music together.
Day 30- Our family rented a house for the first year we lived in Tennessee. When the time came to buy a house, we tried to stay in the same district so Timothy wouldn’t have to change schools again. That didn’t work out however, and he had to change schools. I was nervous since Timothy had done so well at his new school. I quickly realized God knew exactly what he needed and put him with, in my opinion, the best Special Ed teacher and Teacher Assistants around (Although, I’m still getting to know the middle school teacher and assistants, I think they’re pretty fabulous as well!). Timothy clicked with them right away and his learning continued. They were so invested in him and helping him learn everything he could. Even while he was in the hospital recovering from his Traumatic Brain Injury, they came to see him. They didn’t just come visit though. They had taken pictures of all his teachers and students from his Regular Ed and Special Ed classes to help him remember the people in his life. They put together some of his favorite activities that would also help with his recovery. His last day at Rock Springs Elementary was very sad for all of us. I had grown to love these beautiful women. At his 5th grade graduation party, Mrs. Martz played video she made of his years with them. We were all emotional. Our lives will forever be better because of Mrs. Martz, Mrs. Dangerfield, Ms. Susan, and Ms. Emily.
Day 31- As I wrap up this project, I want to share some final thoughts with all of you. What does autism look like in our family? It is frustrating, exhausting, heartbreaking, and difficult. It’s also rewarding, joy filled, hilarious, and life changing. Would I have chosen this path on my own? Probably not. Most of us, if given the choice, would want our days to be easy. I have learned that through the most difficult trials can come the greatest blessings. I used to say that I was blessed to have healthy children. I am no less blessed to have Timothy than my other children. Mostly, I am blessed because God is at work in our lives. He is using difficult circumstances to teach us how to be more like Him. My hope is that through reading our stories, you know a little more about our day-to-day life with autism. I also hope that if your life has been touched by autism, you have been inspired to share your story. Whether it’s one a day like I did, once a week, or just once, all that matters is that you share. Our children have so much to offer the world, but how will they know if we don’t tell them.
