Don't worry Lord, I'll clean it up.

Some pretty gross things happen in a home with three boys. Since the Lord uses things that happen in my everyday life to teach me more about Him, bear with me on this one. Having a large family makes grocery shopping a pretty big deal. I decided long ago to do the bulk of my shopping at the beginning of the month so that I only had to fill in with little trips for the remainder of the month. That first trip usually takes several hours. I returned home from one of these trips to find the house extremely quiet, which as any mother knows is cause for concern. Brian asked Zachary to watch Benjamin for a minute while he briefly went to another part of the house. Zachary decided that would be a good time to watch TV and Benjamin went to the bathroom all by himself. I went down the hallway to find Benjamin in the bathroom smearing poop all over the wall with a very overused wipe. I'm not sure how it happened, but by the time I got there, it was on the wall, the toilet, and the sink. When Benjamin saw me, and I assume the look of horror on my face, he sweetly said, "Don't worry mommy, I keen it up." Of course the wipe he was using was never going to clean it up. I'm pretty sure I used an entire container of clorox wipes to start the cleaning process. I was telling that story to a friend the other day and it got me to thinking about my life. Sometimes I make a mess of my life and sometimes life makes a mess for me. I realized that too many times I'm trying so hard on my own to clean it up, but in my own strength, I'm using the same dirty wipe and getting nowhere. Then the Lord comes along, makes sense of it all, and uses it for His glory. I wonder how many times I've extended trials because I didnt' go to the Lord first. How many times did I have the "I've got this" mentality and make things worse? Being the mother of a large family and an autistic child, makes me feel like people are always watching me. Sometimes I give into the pressure of trying to meet the expectations that I think people have of me. In my selfish desire for approval, I set the Lord aside. I've been doing a Bible study recently and one of our main verses this week is Phillipians 2:3-4. It says, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." I'm realizing that sometimes my desire for approval puts me above my family. That passage in Phillipians continues in verses 5-8, "Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." I'm trying to learn that as I parent, I need to turn to the One who gave me my children. He created them, He knows them best. I want His best, not my best to be the mother, wife, and woman He's called me to be. I can't serve God and myself at the same time. I need to follow Jesus' example and humble myself before the Lord and allow Him to use me to serve others.